Blame
by Merwhos
Summary: Upon Morgana's return to Camelot after a year gone by, emotions resurface for Merlin and Morgana both. When repressing their emotions no longer works, the tension between them rises to a critical level. What happens when these tensions build up too high? Merlin x Morgana set in season 3.
1. Chapter one

_Chapter one_  
There was an unsettling but yet unspoken tension that hung in the air. At least, that was what it felt like for Merlin personally, especially now that these unmistakable bright green eyes shifted to meet his once in a while. Thousands of words unspoken between them, they carried a heavy weight upon both of their shoulders but neither of them seemed eager to clear the air. There was a certain comfort in not treading into the unknown and dangerous, even though they both knew it was inevitable; wise even. Arthur's words filled with oblivious delight cut through the tense air like his own sword. Morgana smiled at Arthur: her eyes had a certain glint in them and it bothered Merlin to a great extent. It was a glint of competitiveness laced with determination. A look he had observed on Morgana many times before and had always admired and adored. Now it sent shivers down his spine in fear of what was coming and what it meant. Yet another thing left unspoken.

"I still cannot believe. I simply can't express how much I've missed you, Morgana. I'm so glad to see you okay." Arthur swallowed a growing lump in his throat away. Merlin his presence in the room seemed to go unnoticed by Arthur. on the contrary, Morgana seemed well aware of his existence. Merlin tried to avoid eye contact at great extent, but his quest was proving to be more difficult than he expected. Morgana was determined to match his gaze and was always the last to look away. Only Arthur's words could make her revert her attention from him for a while. Arthur's kind words didn't seem to resonate with her at all, all she gave him in return was an obligatory smile and nod, before reverting her eyes to the ground.

Arthur just stood there, never taking his eyes away from her. Almost like he was afraid she would disappear again, the guilt was eating away at him. Now that he could see what had become of her up close. Even Merlin felt a tinge of remorse whenever he looked at her solemn frame, so he tried not to. Morgana hadn't said a word ever since she entered her room, so Merlin didn't expect her to speak when she did.

"Arthur." She met his eyes, her words friendly. "I'm glad to be back, I missed you too." They were staring at each other now, the two siblings looked at each other like they were communicating without words. Merlin would feel like he was intruding on something intimate if it weren't for Morgana's balling of her fists in her bed sheet and the venom in her voice when she uttered the words 'miss you'. what Merlin noticed, Arthur seemed oblivious of. His eyes were full of relief and his posture as relaxed as Merlin hadn't seen it in a while.

"Alright now. I'll give you some time to rest, okay?" Arthur finally acknowledged his presence in the room by gesturing Merlin toward the door. Morgana's head snapped in his direction in a sudden frenzy, she wasn't done yet.

"No, that's okay. I need to speak with Merlin for a second. you can leave." Morgana ordered him in a way Arthur would never have accepted weren't it for the current situation. Arthur raised a surprised eyebrow at Merlin, expecting a response from Merlin or some sort of clarification. Merlin had his suspicions about Morgana's intentions, but no incentive to share it with Arthur whatsoever. He opted for a dismissive shrug in Arthur's direction, feeling Morgana's accusing eyes burning on his back like needles. Arthur seemed discontent with the entire situation but headed for the door in quick strides anyway. Neither Morgana nor Merlin said anything until the wooden door slammed shut and Arthur his footsteps faded into the distance.

The tension in the air rose to a critical level. The hairs on Merlin's hair stood up and Morgana's gaze didn't falter. It was getting difficult to breathe almost. Merlin wanted to clear the air.

Please speak.

No.

Please don't say anything.

The bed creaked when Morgana moved towards him slowly. Merlin didn't dare to look, his gaze transfixed on the dark hardwood floor. Although he didn't look; he did feel. He sensed her every movement; every single breath he felt and his insides were on fire. Did Morgana feel the tension just like he did? He dared himself to look. He could not bear the temptation any longer.

She lounged on her bed, her body facing his direction, slightly leaning forward and supporting herself with one arm. Their eyes met finally, proper. Blue clashed with green in a war of gazes, and there was no real winner; only two losers. He wanted to ask her so many things. most of all: are you really okay? So he did.

Her face held an unreadable expression. He understood her so well just now. Saw right through her every move, but now she seemed raw and real. The unfiltered version of Morgana a year gone by. A lot can happen in a year. and Merlin was truly afraid for the first time in a long time.

"Merlin." His name rolled off her tongue like it was a curse. "it's been too long." There was a hint of something darker behind these words. Merlin didn't want to understand.

"What happened to you, in that year. honestly." Merlin felt a sudden surge of bravery: the pain of the loss of a true friend ignited a fire in his heart. He wanted to fight for her. He wanted to show her that he cared and undo his mistakes. He dared to touch the hand that she held outstretched in his direction. It felt like an invitation: please touch me, comfort me, you know the real me. They both felt their magic stirring inside them when they touched. Reacting to one another like they had a certain connection that was unexplored. Morgana didn't flinch or move away. Her eyes faltered for a split-second. It became clear to Merlin she was putting on a brave front: she felt the tension too.

"I can't tell you. just know that I'm here now. and that you reap what you sow, Merlin." Her mood shifted completely. As if Merlin's question reminded her of their history. She removed her hand from his grasp with force and pushed him off her bed.

"Get away from me!" She shrieked, she buried her face in her hands but didn't cry. she seemed lost, she didn't know where she could express her rage. Merlin initially took offense to her words but he quickly understood what it all really meant. Even though he hurt her greatly, she still showed her true emotions to him. To Arthur, she put up this great facade, make him believe everything was okay. that she didn't need saving. But Morgana was falling deeper and deeper into something she didn't want to be, with no way out. Merlin let himself be pushed. he stared at her from the foot of her bed and admitted to himself that he was definitely responsible for his whole mess. he should fix it, no matter the cost.

Merlin turned around and exited the room with a clear goal in mind: save Morgana properly this time.

 **A/N: Thanks a bunch for reading! This fic will probably stay rated T since I have absolutely no experience writing M fiction, but I might give it a try if people really want me to. Constructive criticism and suggestions are greatly appreciated; reviews in general actually. Thanks again :)**


	2. Chapter two

_Chapter two_

Merlin went to rest that night with the feeling of an imminent threat looming over him. Therefore, this feeling of restlessness mixed with exhaustion came as no surprise to him the next morning. He spent all night tossing and turning: thinking about how the weight he carried on his shoulders grew larger with each passing day. He was at constant war with himself upon Morgana's return: he felt an obligation towards both Camelot and Arthur to protect them since it was his duty. But he questioned to what extent his duties should be allowed to hurt the well-being of others. When Merlin woke Arthur that morning, the contrast to both their moods was in a sense, quite hilarious: Arthur was as chipper as he hadn't been in a long time, Merlin didn't even have to resort to more desperate measures to get him out of bed. Merlin started to think things were getting too good to be true, in particular when Arthur started chattering and humming to himself, expressing his glee once more about the return of Morgana.

Even the mention of her name brought Merlin back in a foul mood. Seeing Arthur act like this reminded him of the way things used to be before he made that dreadful mistake. It had already been a year, but on occasion, Merlin still suffered from the same recurring vivid nightmare. In that dream, he was brought back to that faithful day, where he was forced to make a decision that would shape the future of all of Camelot, and most of all that of Morgana. Having power over someone's life he never considered pleasant, it always had its own consequences. Flashes of last nights repressed dream reappeared before his eyes, distracting him from his duties. He remembered how Morgana felt in his arms while she was gasping for air: how she clutched at his arm and rested against him as if his betrayal didn't quite resonate with her yet. He remembered the way she stopped moving after a while, stopped trying to breathe. How her body grew limp and her skin cold, the way her green eyes lost that certain spark. A lump formed in his throat and he tried to swallow away the guilt. How does one forgive himself after literally murdering a friend? Eventually, even Arthur snapped out of his gleeful reverie to question Merlin about his strange behaviour.

"Merlin? are you even listening to me?" Merlin his blurry vision refocused to reveal the face of Arthur. He held him by his shoulders, his eyes raking over his features with his brows furrowed in confusion. Merlin wanted to confess to everything he did right then and there. For a fleeting moment, he didn't care in the slightest about the repercussions. He gathered himself together, but not enough to look his friend in the eye. He pushed Arthur his hands away and busied himself with anything but his thoughts. He could feel Arthur's gaze following as he walked back and forth. "Is there something you have to tell me?"

"Merlin please stop moving around like a doofus!" Arthur snapped because Merlin didn't appear to pay his words any attention. Merlin stopped what he was pretending to be doing immediately and exhaled a shaky breath. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to pretend everything was okay, to look Morgana in the eye and not think of everything he did and saw that day. He wanted to tell Arthur exactly that, but he knew better.

"I think the kitchen will have your breakfast ready by now." Merlin said before he turned on his heels and left an awestruck Arthur behind.

The day passed without a word spoken between Arthur and Merlin ever since that moment. Normally, Merlin would feel worse without the constant banter between him and his friend, but for once, he was grateful. The clock struck one as Arthur was invited to a meal with the king and his ward. Arthur uncharacteristically agreed to the offer, and broke the silence first when he informed Merlin of his plans. Merlin felt a sense of dread wash over him as soon as he realised the implications. Morgana would be in that room, together with Uther and the person who tried to poison her. His mind started racing: he had to get out of this arrangement, make some kind of excuse. He couldn't be in the same room with her. Yesterday had emotionally drained him in a way he did not expect. Surely Morgana knew that Merlin would be present at such an event, didn't she? Was it all on purpose? Merlin remembered the way he left her, she seemed completely forlorn, engulfed in emotion. Was it all an act after all?

Merlin stayed close behind Arthur when they both entered the dining room. Both Uther, Morgana and Gwen were already present, talking amongst one another like nothing had transpired in the months she had been away. Although Morgana tried to appear like their entrance didn't matter, Merlin saw her shoulders tense: noticed the way she sneaked glances in his direction as he moved to his usual position behind where Arthur took his designated seat. Morgana greeted Arthur with a huge smile, and Arthur returned the favour. Merlin his stomach churned as he noticed the discrepancy between her smiling mouth and her steel eyes. Uther and Arthur payed him no mind in the midst of their meals, as usual. But as Merlin expected, Morgana continued to send hidden glances his way. Every time she took a sip of her drink, her eyes were on him. As if she was taunting him with the idea of what he had done. Merlin had to admit that it was working, as he swallowed and tried to look anywhere else but at her. Merlin wondered what Morgana gained out of all this. He could imagine she reveled with a sense of righteousness from making him squirm, tormenting him with what he had done. Frankly, she had the right to do that and worse.

"How did you sleep?" Arthur asked Morgana with genuine concern. Morgana was just sending Merlin a glare as Arthur asked her that question and seemed caught off guard as she quickly reverted her eyes back to him. Merlin remembered Morgana's past troubles with sleeping and haunting nightmares and imagined these troubles hadn't faltered judging by her emotional state. Nevertheless Morgana responded by reassuring Arthur that she had slept very well, and that he needn't worry. Merlin his eyes almost rolled out of their sockets.

After Morgana was caught staring she stopped acknowledging his presence just like Arthur and Uther did. Merlin hated how he felt a sense of loss without the scrutiny of Morgana's piercing looks. And now, the roles seemed to have switched. Merlin was staring at Morgana and instead, Morgana pretended not to notice. As Merlin stared Morgana grew uncomfortable: she started to fidget with her hands and adjusted her hair constantly. 'Good.' Merlin thought, be uncomfortable. Feel what you made me feel.

Minutes passed by like this until the family reunion abruptly ended when Uther announced it was time to attend to his duties. Arthur appeared to be disappointed, his lips formed an immature pout as he arose from his seat slowly. Morgana on the other hand, seemed utterly delighted to be granted an excuse to leave the room. She nodded toward Arthur and Uther in a goodbye and hurried away. If anyone noticed Morgana's rushed exit, nobody made any mention of it. It took a great ounce of self-control not to follow Morgana out of the room immediately. He somehow felt the urge to speak to her again, a complete turnaround from his feelings before. Something about the way she grew unnerved under his scrutiny as opposed to her dominance earlier both exited and frightened him. He had to know more, what distinguished this Morgana from the Morgana he knew in the years before?

Again, Arthur brought him back from his wandering thoughts when he slapped a hand on his back. "Well, you're getting more tense by the minute. Is there really nothing I need to know?" Arthur sounded as if he was joking, however it was obvious he meant what he said when he looked at Merlin with more genuine concern rather than confusion this time. Merlin was capable of composing himself this time, now he had a clear goal in mind: he had to see Morgana tonight, alone. Merlin felt the cogs turning in his head as he devised his plan, he turned to meet Arthur's eyes as he said: "Nothing a prat like you would be able to handle." Merlin his eyes shined with mischief as Arthur huffed in response.

"No really, I just had a bad night, that's all." Merlin told Arthur in a serious tone this time. If he wanted to set his plan into motion, he couldn't afford any kind of suspicion. Arthur didn't seem to let go of his doubt completely, but seemed content with Merlin his explanation for the time being. Together they made their way back to Arthur's chamber, whilst Arthur mused about the taste of the delicious food to pester Merlin. For once Merlin didn't mind, he took it as a welcome distraction. He could use a moment of serenity and peace, since he was certain tonight would prove the opposite.

 **A/N: just a quick and heartfelt thank you to all the amazing people who read, followed and reviewed the last Chapter. You're awesome!**


	3. Chapter three

_Chapter 3_

It was already nearly seven when Merlin entered the physicians chamber and greeted Gaius. Merlin was hungry: his stomach was absolutely killing him. It was a special kind of torture having to watch three royals feast on a delicious meal whilst not being allowed to taste it at all.

He wanted to scream when he saw what Gaius was preparing for the both of them: a chicken broth was stewing in a pot suspended above a controlled fire. Gaius stirred the pot, without paying Merlin's slight mental breakdown any attention. Gaius was used to it by now. "you're late." Gaius remarked, still busying himself with his broth like it required special attention. Merlin readjusted his scarf as he hummed in response, too hungry and tired to open his mouth to speak.

Gaius grabbed a bowl and poured Merlin his own portion of food before handing him te bowl. "It's hot." Gaius warned before filling his own bowl. Merlin noticed Gaius had something on his mind he wasn't expressing, but didn't dare to ask. Honestly, he had his guess about what Gaius wanted to ask him, but he knew better. Gaius knew what he had done.

Merlin quickly took a sip of his broth when he saw Gaius open his mouth. Anything to prolong the inevitable conversation that they needed to have. Of course Gaius saw right through him immediately as he put down his spoon and faced Merlin directly with a deep sigh.

"We can't avoid this topic forever. We should actually have talked about this yesterday, but I figured I should give you the space to process the whole ordeal first." Gaius carefully monitored Merlin's reactions while he spoke, making him speak agonisingly slow. Merlin was growing impatient, but refrained from speaking anyway. "Have you spoken to her?" Gaius didn't even have to mention her name: Merlin knew who Gaius was taking about. Merlin nodded and took another sip quickly. Gaius just stared at him for a moment without doing anything. He looked at Merlin like he could read the answers on his forehead. If only that were true.

"Did she say anything about-"

"No she didn't" Merlin interrupted Gaius before he could say anything. Merlin didn't like how Gaius was looking at him like he knew everything, like he actually understood. Gaius didn't know what he was feeling. Heck, Gaius didn't know he was planning to see her this very evening. Wait, he was. Merlin felt anxious all of the sudden. What should he do, what should he say? should he apologise, and wouldn't that only make things worse?

Gaius didn't press Merlin any further, apparently noticing the inner turmoil transpiring inside of Merlin's head at he moment. Sometimes Gaius was too wise for his own good, but he failed to recognise the fact that Merlin was scheming right in front of him.

As night fell, Merlin began to become more and more uneasy. The darker it got, the more likely Morgana would be asleep. If she was, should he wake her up or would that be innapropriate? No that's silly, this whole idea was inappropriate: sneaking into the King's ward her chambers in the late evening, nothing possibly illegal about that for sure. He stopped breathing as soon as he heard Gaius' snores coming from the living room. This was his chance.

Sneaking past Gaius wasn't difficult, Merlin had expected as much. The man was old and his hearing suffered because of his age. Merlin was thankful for the fact that Gaius snored for the first time. His snoring was a great indicator to verify if Gaius was still in a deep slumber. Merlin crouched past Gaius, sending him apologies in his head. He hadn't yet made up his mind, nevertheless he was going to do this. A long time he spent in turmoil: it wasn't too late to go back now, and he probably should. Every limb in his body was itching to return back to his own room, but he moved forward anyway. He crouched towards the front door, only the slight sound of his breathing and light footsteps hinted at Merlin's intentions. He clutched the door handle in his palm and turned it slowly. A cold breeze hit his face as the door opened. Merlin exhaled once, glancing back at Gaius briefly, before heading towards his destination.

Passing Gaius was only the first obstacle he had to overcome before he would reach Morgana's chambers, but in a way, it was the hardest. Now that he was out here, there was really no turning back. His aching limbs' protests were fruitless now since he had made it this far already. It was colder out in the courtyard as he had expected, and he willed himself to stop shivering so much. He started to hear heavy footsteps and saw light coming in his direction. His heart started to thump louder and louder in his chest: If someone caught him out here, the excuse that he was lost wouldn't suffice. Quickly he sneaked into the kitchen and down the hallway. He started making his way towards the stairs that lead to the first floor of the castle.

Merlin recalled there was a guard stationed in the hallway above. To get past, he had to distract that guard first. In all the haste, Merlin didn't factor the presence of that guard in his plan. The footsteps he heard started to fade into the distance. In a moment of bravery, Merlin started to make his way up the stairs. his breath grew laboured, and it took a surprising amount of effort to keep himself composed. As he reached the door at the end of the stairs, he put his ear on the damp wood. He listened for any movement, any indication of a living being on the other end. No sound. Once again, he opened the door a slight bit and tried to glance through the crack. Nothing to be seen. The footsteps he heard earlier started to increase in volume once again. Merlin squeezed himself in a hurried frenzy through the door, closing it quietly behind him. The footsteps halted. To Merlin's horror, the footsteps made their way up the stairs, was he seen?

He raced through the broad hallway and hid in the nearest alcove he could find. It wasn't the best hiding place, but it would ensure that whoever opened the door would not be able to see him. He pressed himself to the hard concrete as if it would make a difference, and held his breath. After a minute passed he heard the door close, and the footsteps made their way downstairs again. 'that was close, way too close' he thought as he let himself relax for a short moment. From his current position he could see the door to Morgana's chambers. He was in luck: no guard stood there just yet, but he was sure there would be soon. He had to move in now.

Half running, half sneaking he made his way towards her door. He settled his nerves and took a deep breath. From the other side of the door, he could hear movement. She was inside and awake, good. He glanced around one more time before knocking on her door. He straightened himself and wiped the dirt that gathered around his knees off his trousers.

"Who is this?" he heard from the other side of the door. Judging from the tremor of her voice, she was not expecting any visitors. Not strange for this hour, but Merlin knew better than to underestimate Morgana.

"It's me, Merlin. Please Morgana, I need to speak to you for just a minute, it won't take long." He half-whispered and practically pleaded Morgana. He felt exposed out here, every second he spent in front of her door out in the open like this he risked getting caught. Guards were given strict orders by Uther to increase their scrutiny around Morgana's chambers, given that she had just returned from being supposedly 'kidnapped'.

It was silent for what seemed like an eternity to Merlin. He started to doubt Morgana was even considering his words until the door clicked open just a slight bit. Merlin pushed the door open and made his way inside. He made sure to close the door quietly behind him before facing Morgana. She stood in the middle of her room, her arms crossed and her eyes accusing. Yep, she wasn't pleased.

"What exactly do you want from me at this hour? are you out of your mind, what if you were caught?" Morgana's voice got louder as she started to get angrier. Merlin didn't allow himself to delude himself into thinking she was in any way concerned about him, but he almost did. For a moment he just stood there, most of all to catch his breath but also because he didn't know how to respond. Morgana huffed when Merlin took to long to respond. She broke their eye contact and started playing with a piece of cloth that lay on her bed to keep herself busy. Merlin noticed her shoulders were tense again.

"I just wanted to-" Merlin started to speak but he didn't know what he actually wanted to say. Morgana stopped what she was doing to look in his direction again. She stepped towards him, eyeing him carefully. It was as if she was reading his mind: Merlin knew she couldn't but yet he felt like she could read him. It was as if she understood him completely and yet they didn't understand one another at all. "I wanted to see you because I felt like we needed to talk." Merlin whispered. He didn't know why, but he felt like speaking would be too loud.

They were now an armlength apart. Morgana's eyes didn't leave his for a moment as he was speaking. Her gaze was calculating and held a hint of something Merlin couldn't decipher. He wondered what his eyes looked like to her. Did he look as afraid, confused and invigorated as he felt?

He was grateful when Morgana finally spoke. Her scrutiny was making it hard for him to think, speak even. "Are you okay?" She said it without a hint of concern, it was more like an observation after carefully assessing him. And she was right. He really wasn't okay; neither was she. It was the one thing where they both could agree on. Merlin shook his head no, and Morgana's eyes shined with victory. She started to laugh, first a small smile but it turned into a full out laugh soon after.

"Good." She said after she composed herself. "You deserve it." She moved away from him again. She walked towards her window and stared out of it, upon the courtyard. Merlin felt a surge of regret: he shouldn't have come. He didn't know if he should leave or respond to her. What was there to gain? But on the other hand, he had gone through all this trouble for this opportunity to talk to her like this. he should not waste it.

Merlin closed the growing distance between them this time. He stood next to her, looking out to the courtyard with her. There was nobody to be seen. Morgana didn't say anything or gave any indication that she noticed him: she continued staring at nothing. She seemed deep in thought: what was she thinking about? Only when Morgana turned to look at him did he realise he spoke his thoughts out loud.

"You." Was all she said. She regarded his reaction for a few seconds before reverting her attention away again. She knew he would ask for clarification, she wanted him to. He did.

For a while neither of them said anything. The silence was nice. In a way, this was as close to civil Morgana and Merlin could get without it being out of character. When Merlin moved and their arms brushed, Morgana broke the silence. "I still have dreams about that day. What you did to me." To Merlin her words were no suprise, but they hit him like a punch to the gut anyway. Morgana turned around and leaned her back to the wall as she stared ahead of her. She spoke again, her voice no louder than a whisper as if she was disclosing a secret. "I want to go back."

"Go back where?" Merlin immediately asked. Morgana didn't answer. But she continued talking.

"Don't you ever wonder what would've happened had things been different?" This time she did meet his eye. Merlin didn't expect the conversation to grow so, civilised. They were more like old friends talking now, rather than enemies. Merlin nodded in response. He had thought about that way too much. He had even tried to go back once, but he wasn't powerful enough.

Another silence filled the room. Merlin started to wonder what he was still doing here but he couldn't bring himself to move. Neither did Morgana. Their arms brushed again, nobody said a word. Merlin his heart started thumping in his chest all of the sudden. His cheeks started to turn red and he grew warm. 'This is not the old Morgana, stop it.' he tried to remind himself desperately.

Morgana noticed Merlin grew uncomfortable as their shoulders touched when they stood too close. Never had either of them been in this close proximity before. Their magic reacted to one another like it did the day before. Sparks flew every time they touched: it was electric and addicting. The tension in the air shifted from dangerous to a different kind of dangerous. This was unexplored territory. And it should've stayed that way.

Morgana would never admit that she was the first to cave under the constant pressure, but she was the one to reach out and finally touch. When she grabbed Merlin by both arms and guided her lips to collide with his every emotion hit them at once. Hate turned into passion quickly, as they both gave in. Merlin wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her closer to him as Morgana squeezed his arms so hard it was almost painful. They both kissed one another without holding back. Merlin felt his magic going out of control inside of him and there was nothing he could do to satiate it. Morgana bit Merlin's lip softly while they kissed, and Merlin had to silence a moan that threatened to escape him.

Then in a sudden moment of reality that hit the both of them at once, they parted. Morgana pushed Merlin away using her magic in shock. Merlin collided with the concrete wall, falling down to the ground again with a loud thud. He felt a sharp pain in his back suppressed by the adrenaline. He had just snogged Morgana. The evening took a turn neither of them suspected and both regretted just as much. Neither of them dared to look or say anything. All Merlin wanted was to leave the room as quickly as possible and pretend none of this had ever transpired. He dared one quick glance in Morgana her direction and their eyes met by accident. Both of them gasped and quickly looked away.

Merlin managed to stand up. Only with the use of sheer willpower was he able to make it through the door. He could care less if a guard was stationed in front, he couldn't stand being in the same room with her any longer. Morgana didn't say anything as Merlin closed the door behind him and left.


	4. Chapter four

Merlin had felt like a downright mess ever since the moment that should not be named: that was how Merlin referred to it as of now. When he woke up, for a moment he was convinced he had dreamt the whole thing. It was all so surreal. Him kissing Morgana made absolutely no sense no matter how he thought about it. Frankly, he'd rather not think about it at all, but it was all that was on his mind lately.

Morgana was back for a total of three whole days and things were already an outright mess. Things always turned out a mess with Morgana whenever Merlin got involved apparently. He should just avoid her completely, for good this time. This sounded like a perfect idea in Merlin's head but in practice, it turned out to be nearly impossible.

"Merlin prepare your bags, we're going out for a ride." Arthur announced as he entered his chamber. Merlin raised an eyebrow at him wondering what Arthur was up to now. Merlin didn't mind: he welcomed any distraction with open arms at this point. Merlin started to prepare for their little expedition. Apparently, they were going to a little town a few miles north of Camelot called Omelas, to escort some important women of stature which Merlin didn't even care enough to remember. Maybe he could just steal a horse and never return. That also appeared to be a decent idea at this point. He was only slightly desperate to get away.

Merlin and Arthur made their way over to the stables and to Merlin's horror, Gwen and Morgana were saddling up two horses. As Gwen and Morgana both heard their footsteps nearing closer through the gravel beneath their boots, Merlin's eyes met Morgana's. Gwen greeted the both of them as happy as ever, while Morgana and Merlin stayed quiet. Merlin composed himself while he reverted his eyes to the task at hand, keeping his mind blank. He didn't even want to think about it. Morgana who was saddling her horse slowly just a moment ago, was in a hurry now to get things done. Merlin found comfort in the fact they were both struggling. As Merlin saddled up his own horse his back started aching again. His back served as a constant reminder of yesterday. He rubbed a hand over his back in an effort to mute the pain. As he did, he felt Morgana's heavy gaze follow his movement.

'Yes, you did this.' Merlin thought, feeling bitter. To make matters worse: Arthur slapped a hand on his back in a friendly gesture. Merlin didn't appreciate it that much. When Merlin groaned in pain even Gwen started to notice something was awry. Gwen moved towards him and eyed him carefully.

"Are you okay?" Gwen asked, her eyes concerned. She placed a hand on his arm as a gesture of reassurance. Morgana's gaze was burning on him now. In response, he took a peek in her direction. Her jaw was clenched and her actions were harsh: poor horse. Morgana huffed when she noticed Gwen's hand on Merlin's arm. At that point, Merlin stopped looking. He didn't want to think about the implications of her actions right now. He couldn't handle it. He tried to focus on Gwen instead. His thought drifted back to Morgana anyway as he smiled at Gwen in reassurance.

"I'm fine, I think I slept in the wrong position or something. Nothing to worry about." Gwen let him go but looked doubtful before she returned back to what she was doing. Merlin did the same. The sooner this was all over the better.

When they were on horseback Merlin finally felt free. He could focus on the world around him, it was easier to ignore Morgana out here somehow. The tremor of hooves colliding with the ground was therapeutic and the fresh air of nature helped ease his mind. Arthur rode his horse next to him, Gwen and Morgana were behind them.

"Good to see you back to normal." Arthur remarked, he too looked more relaxed than usual. Arthur always got a little bit chatty when they left the castle at moments like these. It was one of the reasons why Merlin really liked going out for adventures, but he was always a little more cautious than usual. Going outside unprotected like this was asking for trouble.

"I'm just enjoying the sunshine, that's all." Merlin responded. Arthur and Merlin both smiled as they continued their journey until the town of Omelas came into view.

"There it is" Arthur announced. They traveled along the path that would bring them to the town entrance. "Now everyone be aware, we're here for formal business." Arthur's eyes searched for Merlin's as he spoke again. "So be on your best behavior." Merlin snorted. It wasn't him he was worried about.

They stationed their horses in front of the town. Merlin almost forgot Morgana even came along He hadn't heard a single word from her ever since they left, it was so out of character Merlin couldn't help but say something. He moved over to Gwen when she left Morgana's side for a moment.

"Have you noticed anything... weird about Morgana lately?" he whispered. Gwen had trouble deciding the appropriate way to respond, would Morgana mind if she spoke to Merlin about her like this? Merlin noticed Gwen's internal struggle so he tried to persuade her to say something. "I'm just worried as a friend, Gwen." A friend, as if. It was a lie for the greater good, Merlin justified to himself.

"I have actually. I asked her if she was okay on the way here." Gwen glanced in Morgana's direction. She wasn't paying them any attention. "She told me she was fine, but I know Morgana quite well. There's definitely something going on, I wish I knew." Gwen looked legitimately sad for Morgana's sake. Gwen was too good-hearted for her own benefit.

Merlin put a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he told her that Morgana would be over it soon. What he didn't expect was for Gwen to make a suggestion. "Why don't you go talk to her?" Gwen's eyes searched for his, pleading him to take action. Merlin felt put on the spot all of a sudden. If only Gwen knew he played a big part in Morgana her strange behaviour.

"Don't think she'd want me to."

"Why not? You are friends, right? She spoke so well of you always."

Merlin felt a lump in his throat. That was back then, things have changed.

He was about to speak when Arthur interrupted them. "Are you guys going to stand here all day whispering or can we get a move on?"

Gwen and Merlin nodded nervously and shared a significant look. Gwen gestured towards Morgana beckoning him to talk to her as she followed Arthur. Morgana looked so serene just standing there next to her horse. She was brushing its mane with a patient hand. It was oddly mesmerizing to watch her like this. He nearly yelped as Arthur came up from behind to startle him. "I was talking to you too just now. No daydreaming."

The day passed until it was time to leave along with the people they had to escort towards Camelot. Merlin couldn't wait to embark. He had seen enough of this small town and the two women they were escorting were getting on his nerves. They did everything they could to get Arthur's attention. They even fought amongst themselves, it was really a scene to look at. He had caught Morgana earlier counting to ten as the two women started to scream at each other just as things were getting nice and quiet again. Morgana was as human as Merlin hadn't seen her in a long time on this trip. It was as if everyone relaxed as soon as they left the constricting walls of the castle.

The sky was turning orange as they rode their horses back to where they came from. Merlin rode alone: Arthur was surrounded by the two women again, and he had to keep them company seeing that was his duty. Morgana and Gwen rode in front of him, probably because they didn't want to be stuck behind Arthur right now.

All of the sudden his horse started to breathe unevenly and his stomach started fluttering. What was going on? Morgana her back straightened in front of him: she felt something too. Without any time to react, eight men rode towards them on their horses. Their own horses were startled enough to throw them off of their backs. As Merlin collided with the ground, his vision blurred and he could hear the sound of their galloping horses fading away. He tried to lift his head but he was too dizzy. A cold hand grabbed him by the ankles. He tried to kick the hands off of him, tried to reach his magic, just so he could defend himself but nothing worked.

He felt rope being tied around his ankles and soon around his hands. This wasn't good. As his vision started to clear he saw Gwen, Morgana, and Arthur in the same situation that he was in. A surge of panic went through him. He had to save them before something happened. He wanted to use his magic but the refrained when he met Arthur's eyes. He couldn't do it in front of him, but maybe Morgana could! fanatically he looked at Morgana but she made no move to make use of her magic either. What was she doing? Did she want to keep it a secret from Arthur as well?

They all sat on the ground in a circle when a bulky man appeared in front of them. He observed all of them but stopped at Arthur in particular. "Look who we have here. I sure have hit the jackpot today." A big malicious grin appeared on his face as he stared Arthur down. Merlin wanted to use his magic so bad but he knew better. He should wait for the right moment to strike if it would ever come. Arthur said nothing in response to his captor. Every inch of his body radiated fury as he tried to wriggle himself out of the rope that bound him. Merlin took this as an opportunity to communicate.

He scooted to his left, where Morgana sat in the same predicament that he was currently in. "Use your magic" he whispered at her, careful that no one heard or noticed. Arthur feigned as a nice distraction for their captors: they were quite amused to see the crown prince angry and powerless under their capture. Morgana looked away from Arthur for a moment to regard Merlin. She looked utterly terrified and that surprised him. This was not the steel and heartless Morgana that he had seen the past few days. Merlin had imagined Morgana would be poised and calm in a situation like this, but she appeared to be the opposite. Somehow this made Merlin more nervous. If even Morgana was nervous, things were bad.

Merlin repeated himself but slightly louder when he got no response from her. "Use. your. magic."

"I can't"

"Why?"

"he can't know stupid" She gestured towards Arthur with her eyes.

The bulky man had apparently noticed the commotion behind him because he turned around to face the two of them. He looked like the stereotype bad guy: tattoos, muscles and a scar that ran over his cheek that made him look extra scary. His eyes were a dark brown and appeared menacing: it sent a shiver down Merlin's spine.

Morgana and Merlin had unknowingly moved towards one another while they were whispering. They straightened themselves up when the man his eyes darted between the two of them. Merlin and Morgana both pretended like nobody said anything. There was at least one thing they could work together on, staying alive. The man put his arms on his hips and snickered.

"Well well, what's this? two lovebirds too?"

Merlin felt himself go red despite their current situation. He avoided looking to his left since he'd rather not see Morgana's reaction.

"What now? You two can't speak anymore? Go on with your conversation, don't let me stop you." The man teased, but he didn't look angry. Merlin saw Morgana ball her fists in the corner of his eye. For once he wished Morgana would lose her self-control and use her magic.

"What is it you want" Arthur yelled stopping the man from paying attention to them. 'no Arthur, this isn't the time to be heroic.' Merlin pleaded. He wished Arthur could read his mind right now. Arthur's plan worked. The man his lips formed a straight line before he turned to face Arthur again. He was actually angry now, Merlin noticed and so did Morgana who started to grow even more restless. It was almost as if she cared what happened to Arthur. Merlin could've sworn that maybe behind all that theatrics of not caring, Morgana actually cared a lot.

Involuntarily his mind wandered to their kiss for a short moment, before the man's voice brought him back to reality. "You're lucky you're worth me a lot of money young man." The man kneeled so that Arthur and his face were on the same level. He glared at Arthur for what felt like an eternity. Another man came into Merlin's view. He whispered something into the scarred man's ear.

"Well I've got to make a nice message for your dear father now, what should I write? Sent me all your money or your son will lose a finger? That sound good to you?" The man didn't wait for Arthur to respond, his facial expression was enough for him. When the man was finally satisfied he and the other man left them alone for a while.

Merlin let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Now that the man was gone he felt a lot better. He still felt terrible but at least he wasn't under the impression he would die soon. he worried for Gwen and his safety primarily. Morgana and Arthur were royals: they were worth quite a lot of money alive. Himself and Gwen posed more of a hassle. Morgana seemed to be thinking the same thing.

" At least Merlin and Gwen need to get out of here as soon as possible." She said between the four of them. Merlin had a hard time believing Morgana was actually scheming to keep him alive instead of dead. But why?

He moved over towards Morgana again. He ignored the puzzled look Morgana gave him when he did. "Why are you trying to save me?" he whispered. Morgana cleared her throat silently, affected by the fact that Merlin was too close for her comfort. She didn't want to move away though: that would show Merlin he has an effect on her in the first place.

"If you're going to die, it's going to be by my doing."

"How nice" Merlin replied, managing to be sarcastic even in their current situation.

"Hello guys, what are you discussing? It might be a good idea to I don't know, inform ME?" Arthur interjected. Merlin hadn't even noticed he was leaving Arthur out of the picture. What they were talking about didn't concern him anyway. Arthur was right, though. They had to come up with a plan together.

"When do you think their message will reach Camelot?" Gwen finally said something. Gwen appeared to keep herself in the background on purpose.

"If we are close to where we were ambushed, I think within 3 hours, maybe less." Arthur swallowed, deep in thought. "We need to escape before the message can reach Camelot. Otherwise, my father will pay the ransom for nothing and then they will still get away with money after all this." Everyone nodded in agreement. The only problem now was just how they were going to escape.

Merlin had an idea, but it involved the cooperation of Morgana and her magic. He could use his own but he simply didn't want to take the risk without trying to convince Morgana first. He tapped Morgana with his elbow. Her head shot up in his direction with a frown on her face.

"What now?"

"I have a plan"

"Why whisper it to me then, tell everyone."

"It involves your magic, that's why." Morgana rolled her eyes and hung her head down.

"I already told you that was not an option." Morgana was about to shut him out and turn her back to him, but Merlin quickly interjected her.

"Listen to me okay. Please." He pulled the best puppy dog eyes that he could make. Strangely enough, it worked. Morgana sighed deeply and gave him one chance. "It's like this. Arthur doesn't even have to see you use your magic as I will distract him while you do it."

"What exactly do you want me to do with my magic?'" She pressed. She was getting agitated: the men could be back any minute now.

"You loosen the ropes around your arm using your magic to set yourself free. Then when you're free you can untie us." Morgana regarded him for a moment as she thought over the intricacies of the plan. Merlin was proud of himself. It was a very simple plan but it would most likely work.

"I hate to admit. This is the closest thing we have to a working plan right now." Morgana moved even closer to Merlin as she spoke. "If we're going to do this, we have to be quick." Merlin nodded and tried not to be too distracted by the smell of Morgana's perfume. Even in moments like these, he was still a simple man.

Merlin thought of a way he could distract Arthur to such an extent that he wouldn't notice Morgana's eyes glowing gold. He had to be distracted for a sufficient amount of time too, not just a few seconds. That's when it hit him, the one thing Arthur will give Merlin his full attention for.

Merlin checked in with Morgana, gesturing her that the plan was set in motion. "Hey, Arthur." Merlin whispered. When he got no response he whispered again but louder. "Hey dollophead." Arthur looked from his hands up at Merlin.

"What?" he grumbled. Arthur wasn't too happy with the use of the nickname but decided not to press it since there were bigger things to worry about.

"What if we leave Gwen behind?" Merlin hated himself for even saying it, even though it was fake. As expected, Arthur grabbed the bait with both hands.

"Merlin." his eyes were as cold as steel and his expression that of disbelief. "You cannot be serious right now. You don't mean that."

Merlin heard ropes thud softly to the ground behind him. "Let Merlin talk." Merlin didn't expect Gwen to join in on the conversation.

"Well, they will kill Gwen anyway, it's not that big of a deal." Merlin tried to say it as nonchalant as possible. He felt like a terrible person now. How did people say things like his without feeling horrible?

Behind him, another rope fell to the dirt as Morgana was finally free. He then realized a problem in his plan that made his stomach sink. Morgana had all the freedom now to leave them here. Nothing forced her from saving them, there was more reason not to. Merlin squashed his nerves by reminding himself of the conversation they had earlier. Morgana would kill him herself. The one time that was a comforting thought.

Arthur had said something in response but Merlin didn't even hear. He was too focused on the movement of Morgana behind him. He could hear her boots on the dirt now, and she was walking towards them. Morgana was actually saving them.

"Morgana? how-" Arthur sounded as surprised as Merlin felt but for very different reasons.

Morgana didn't respond as she untied both Arthur and Gwen. She saved Merlin for last on purpose. She stood behind Merlin as she edged her lips towards his ear. Her breath was cold on his warm neck, sending shivers down his spine when she whispered. "Don't mistake me saving you as you being forgiven." She tugged the rope so it tightened around his hands. Merlin repressed the pain so that Arthur and Gwen wouldn't notice. His whole body felt like it was on fire with something foreign: it was almost a mix between fear and arousal.

When she did loosen his ropes she leaned on him and whispered again. "Your time to suffer just like I did will come soon. I promise."


	5. Chapter five

Only when all of them returned to Camelot unscathed was when Merlin felt somewhat at ease. His hands were still shaky and he felt on edge, but something else entirely was the cause of those feelings. Morgana hadn't left his mind for the past few days and somehow he knew that she would stay in his head for a while. As long as Morgana's last words rang in his ears and the feeling of her lips were stuck to his own ears and his mouth, there was no way he could get rid of her.

He felt her gaze burning into the back of his head the entire trip back. Merlin had hold himself back the entire trip home. He wanted to plead her to stop, but at the same time he didn't want to draw any attention to the two of them. Arthur was slow, but as soon as he would know of the intricacies of Merlin and Morgana their relationship, things would go awry fast. When they reached the stables Morgana was the first to get off her horse and leave. Merlin was convinced she was scheming something but he could only wait and see what it was. They just set foot on Camelot's ground again, but Arthur was filled with energy. He stalled his horse almost as quick as Morgana did and walked with quick strides over to the throne room. Merlin had difficulty keeping up with him.

Uther reacted with great alarm to the news of their brief kidnapping as Arthur requested his audience. His ward had been gone a year thanks to a 'kidnapping' before, and now his son and ward had been in danger without his knowledge. Uther in turn ushered even more guards around the castle, with the orders to protect them everywhere they went. Especially Morgana was under even more strict supervision. More guards patrolled near her chamber now. Merlin didn't know what to think of that. Most of all, he felt safe. At least when she was under supervision it was a lot more difficult for her to cause him any harm.

"But father, what about the feast?" Arthur asked when Uther calmed down and the conversation drifted to a close. Arthur was ever so eager to grab his chance to impress some courtiers with the intent to bed them. Merlin rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He hated feasts: it meant double the stress for him. Arthur was at his most vulnerable at feasts, and Merlin honestly couldn't remember a feast where he didn't have to save Arthur's life at least once.

Uther inhaled deep as he thought. He tapped his fingers on his leg in an even rhythm. A habit which distracted and annoyed Merlin a lot. Arthur did it too, all the time. The tapping sounds unpleasant to his ears but no one else seemed to pay it any mind. Arthur just stared at Uther with big puppy-like eyes. The fact that the noise annoyed him was most likely due tot he fact of the terrible headache Merlin had ever since he woke up this morning.

"I suppose the feast should go on. We should not let ourselves be halted by a bunch of amateurs deep in the forest." Uther regarded Arthur's reaction before he frowned. He seemed to realise something. "What actually happened to the two women you had to escort?"

A long silence befell the room as Uther awaited Arthur's response. Arthur didn't want to admit he hadn't seen them since the moment they got ambushed. He was right to fear for the worst. Merlin had to stop himself from speaking, he wanted to take the blame. Merlin knew better however: speaking would benefit neither of them now.

"My apologies father." Arthur said with his head bowed down. "I haven't seen them since we got attacked."

Uther responded with a low hum and the tapping increased in volume. Merlin felt a lump form in his throat as he noticed a scowl forming on Uther his face. This wasn't good.

"You can leave." Uther said without any emotion in his voice. His face was an open book though, and it didn't look good at all. Merlin matched Arthur's step as they exited the room.

"Arthur it's not your fault. Your safety was important too." Merlin attempted to reassure Arthur without success. Arthur stopped walking and stopped to regard Merlin. Arthur balled his fists and clenched his jaw, his eyes were dark as he spoke.

"It was my responsibility to escort them safely. I failed my simple mission Merlin. It is my fault."

Merlin swallowed and reverted his eyes to his hands. He didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. Arthur took this as the end of the conversation as she started walking again in a quicker pace. His shoulders were tense as Merlin watched him walk away.

Merlin too felt a sense of responsibility and guilt. Besides his duty to protect Arthur he felt a responsibility to protect Camelot as well, and that included its citizens. He failed to protect these women too. He has been too distracted by insignificant things like Morgana. She clouded his mind and clearly took advantage of that fact. It had to end.

It wasn't long after when Merlin heard footsteps approaching him from behind. It has gotten to the point where he could even recognize and sense her thanks to the way her heels sounded on the stone floor of the castle. He turned his head and his assumptions were proven correct. Morgana strode towards him with confidence in her step. Merlin took the time it would take before she would reach him to prepare himself for the convo they were about to have. Every time they met it drained his energy: Morgana was so intense to be around. In addition to that, every interaction they have had was surrounded with heavy tension hanging in the air.

Her heels stopped clacking on the ground and Morgana her legs stopped moving. She stood in front of him now and said nothing. She wanted him to say something first, even though she was the one to approach him. Merlin felt anger: she was the one that threatened him just one day ago and approaches him so carelessly like this, and then he was the one that should speak? That made no sense whatsoever.

In return a long silence befell them as their meeting turned into a useless battle of stubbornness. If someone walked past at this moment they would wonder why they stood there staring like this. When Morgana smirked as if she had claimed some sort of victory, Merlin couldn't take the useless silence any longer.

"What is it now?" He spoke with as little enthusiasm as he could. He wanted her to know he didn't enjoy talking to her in the slightest. He didn't even know why she even bothered. Every conversation ended with them doing something stupid and reckless and irrational like kissing.

Shouldn't have thought that... Merlin his eyes made his way to Morgana's soft lips as soon as the thought of kissing her crossed his mind. How could he be so weak?

Morgana seemed either oblivious or ignorant of his endeavors as she payed them no mind. "I noticed you had a little disagreement with Arthur, just wanted to know if you were okay." Her eyes turned soft and concerned, and she even went as far to touch his arm in an attempt to appear comforting.

Alarms went off in Merlin his head. He knew something wasn't right, but the touch of her hand on his arm clouded his mind completely. Her magic stirred something inside of him and he could not do anything to stop it. Without thinking he responded to her.

"It wasn't anything big, he believes he is responsible for what happened to these women yesterday."

Morgana smiled, she looked almost gentle. She nodded in understanding before letting his arm go. Merlin felt like he could breathe again. He was actually holding his breath; he noticed as he breathed out. His heart was beating way too hard, his breath came out labored and his cheeks were burning. He probably looked like he had just run a marathon.

"Merlin it's a bit upfront but, I'd like to talk to you." Morgana's voice was merely a whisper. She toyed with the fabric of her dress and avoided eye contact. "could you come to my-"

To both of their horror Gwen walked through the corridor. When she noticed them, her eyes widened and a look of glee appeared on her face. she moved towards then and greeted them both individually.

"It's nice to see you two get along. I thought you were fighting yesterday." Gwen looked between the both of them and stopped to examine Morgana's face in particular. Morgana raised her eyebrows as if she had no idea what Gwen was talking about.

"We are great friends, aren't we Merlin? We would never wish one another harm." Morgana filled the silence her voice significantly less pleasant. Merlin felt rather than heard the underlying message Morgana was trying to convey, he noticed Gwen picked up something was off too. Gwen looked between the both of them with a bit of confusion now. 'Keep Gwen out of this' Merlin tried to say to Morgana through his eyes. She seemed to understand as an accomplished smirk reached her red lips.

"We get along great." The sarcasm was oozing off of his remark as Merlin was brought back from the brief moment of niceness they shared. What was up with those moodswings of Morgana? Gwen let out a nervous laugh and at that moment Merlin felt a sudden sense of guilt as he examined Gwen her face. She appeared as gleeful as ever, but he hadn't forgotten the rude words he had said yesterday to distract Arthur.

Merlin tried to catch Gwen's full attention and disregarded Morgana for a moment. Morgana didn't like that one bit: Merlin noticed her tense up in the corner of his eye as Gwen's eyes and his met.

"Gwen I want to apologise for what I said I the forest earlier. I didn't mean any of it." Merlin said these heartfelt words with upmost sincerity. He was careful to express what he said in such a way that Gwen knew he was being truthful. As always the forgiving sort, Gwen her eyes softened and she shook her head slightly. Gwen had this wonderful aura that made everyone feel so comfortable around her. Merlin wondered what kind of aura he possessed.

The one thing that was bothering him was the aura Morgana was radiating at this very moment. It polluted Gwen's, since it was filled with a strange kind of anger. Merlin felt his magic stirring and reacting to it, in a strange way. It was almost like he was pulled towards it. He tried to ignore his feelings and focus only on what Gwen said.

"Merlin it's okay. I understand, no need to worry." Gwen glanced in Morgana's direction discreetly. She probably felt something was off too. He could see Gwen grow uncomfortable. "Right. I have a lot to do, so." Her cheeks grew a shade of pink as she escaped the growing situation next to them. Merlin swallowed as Gwen moved out of view.

With some uncertainty he glanced in Morgana's direction. Her face was a perfect example of discontent. To make matters worse she had her arms crossed in an accusing manner. Did Merlin do something just now to offend her so much?

"Sorry to ruin your little moment with Gwen there." her voice was cold and direct, her eyes like steel and her lips pursed. Merlin didn't want to go there but... was Morgana actually jealous? Thanks to the way Morgana was acting, Merlin automatically turned to be defensive himself.

"Why? It's not like we get along." Merlin mirrored Morgana's stance. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her as he studied her more closely. Morgana huffed and she rolled her eyes as she looked away. Merlin expected her to just give up and leave, but instead Morgana closed her eyes and tried again.

"Look, I didn't speak to you because I wanted to argue. I actually wanted to ask you something. But then Gwen came along and she interrupted me." Morgana started off speaking in an ordinary tone but as she continued speaking her voice turned more venomous. Merlin started to grow annoyed at this endless and useless banter about Gwen. He reveled at the fact that Morgana was jealous in the first place but it soon started to become more of an inconvenience than a victory.

"Just get to the point." Merlin said.

"Fine"

"Go on"

"Come to my chambers tonight."

Merlin nearly choked on the air. Was it just his dirty mind or did she just ask what he thought she did? Morgana her face revealed nothing as she looked as stoic as ever. Her feet tapped on the ground as she started to get impatient to hear his answer.

"Well? yes or no?" Morgana didn't seem to understand Merlin's issue with the question. Merlin started to think it was just his own mind playing tricks on him but he didn't want to agree to something as.. scandalous as he thought she was suggesting, so he just had to ask.

"Look what happened between us-" Merlin started to say but Morgana interrupted him quickly when she understood what Merlin was trying to talk about. She gave a quick shove against his shoulder with her hand and took a step closer to whisper.

"Shut up you idiot. Not here, everyone could hear." Morgana observed the area around them for anyone that might have heard anything. The wide hallway was completely empty. It was so silent you could hear a pin drop. But that notion didn't deter Morgana from being paranoid. She met his eyes again. Merlin felt more at ease as they grew softer. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about tonight, alright?" Merlin was a little bit hypnotised by the greens of her eyes so all he could do to respond was nod.

Footsteps echoed against the walls, noticing them of someone's imminent arrival. Morgana took it as her queue to leave. "See you soon." She whispered as she turned around in the opposite direction of the nearing footsteps. As he watched Morgana retreat, Merlin swallowed, the thought of the upcoming evening a heavy weight on his shoulders. With the increased guarding around Morgana's chambers and the general area, sneaking there would prove to be difficult. But it would be worth it, Merlin decided. He had to admit that his judgement was clouded by the scent of Morgana her perfume and her green eyes. He just couldn't find the energy within himself to care.

The entire day passed in a slow place. Arthur was on edge the entire time: his fathers reaction to them losing the two women earlier was doing no good for Arthur's mood. And who else did Arthur have to take it out on but Merlin. Merlin tried to count the amount of times insults were thrown his way but after the tenth time he stopped counting because he'd rather not know.

The only thing that kept Merlin in a good mood was strangely enough, Morgana. He looked forward to their meeting this evening, in her chambers, just the two of them. Thinking about it made Merlin nervous all of the sudden: his stomach tied up in knots and as time went on, a slight tremor in his hands appeared. He tried to supress both his nerves and his shakiness, but to no avail. As his nerves and in turn his shaking worsened, Merlin was slightly grateful that Arthur was too pteoccupied with other things to notice. It also gave Merlin time to think. In hindsight, it would have been better if he didn't.

Morgana was a conundrum. Merlin understood nothing of her motives anymore. When Morgana first came back to Camelot he thought he knew not to trust her, that she would be dangerous So far, everything Merlin had witnessed proved otherwise. Her face when Arthur was in danger the moment they were captured was one of worry, not happiness like he had expected. Her words didn't fit with her actions.

Merlin shuddered and touched his mouth: the feeling of her lips on his own was a recurring thought for him no matter how much he tried to make it go away. Merlin was well aware he was far from objective in this whole matter with everything that happened between the two of them in the span of only a few whole issue was exactly the reason he had to go see her tonight. He had to confirm if Morgana really had changed back to her old ways. And if not, maybe there was a little bit of hope somewhere inside of her that Merlin could hold on to. No matter how much he had denied it these days - to himself mostly - he didn't want to give up on her.

As the sun set, his legs carried him towards her chambers almost involuntarily. His head was all fuzzy and clouded with Morgana. That fuzzy feeling had crept up on him like a virus; it was a slow process that went completely unnoticed until it was already too late. He had caught the Morgana sickness and now he had to face the reprocussions.

So there he was. The only thing seperating the two of them a wooden door. Would trusting Morgana for the second time have serious consequences?

Definitely.

Did he care?

His fist collided with the wooden door. The sound of Morgana's light footsteps became louder and louder as she came closer. When the door nudged open with a loud click, Merlin was certain.

He didn't care at all.


	6. Chapter six

Morgana greeted him with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, but it was obvious she didn't really put in the effort to fake it either. Merlin his head was already buzzing with too many contradicting emotions and thoughts for him to pay the meaning behind those looks any mind. Yet he should not have let his guard down, in retrospect.

In the beginning, the whole atmosphere was what you would expect it to be: awkward. The both of them shuffled their feet and stared at the floor more than was really necessary, but there was something more to it than that when it came to Morgana. Her expression turned almost guilt-ridden sometimes. She crossed her arms and scratched her arm, a nervous little tick Merlin had observed earlier. As if by tradition, Morgana was the first to speak.

"The thing." her voice was shakier than usual, as their eyes met briefly. She spoke with a confident undertone, but her body language betrayed her true feelings. "The thing about the kiss."

Merlin knew that he was getting close to trusting Morgana with a very personal part of himself. The pep talk from before was starting to wear off now, as nerves raced through his entire being. "The kiss, yeah." He repeated as silence fell between them again.

Morgana her eyes started to move back and forth from Merlin his eyes and the door behind him. She was starting to get agitated about something. Merlin started to feel as if something was very much not good. But despite his instincts, he had made his decision not long ago to trust Morgana and he was going to stick with it.

Morgana started to breathe unevenly and became more and more anxious by the minute. But suddenly, all her weird behaviour stopped. Something seemed to click inside her mind, as she regarded Merlin from head to toe once.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head dismissively before she took a big step forward. Effectively closing the gap between them. The next words she said she spoke in barely a whisper, just loud enough for Merlin to hear.

"I want to apologise, and thank you, Merlin." She searched his eyes for something, and seemed to find it, as she continued, "I want you to promise to remember this moment fondly."

Merlin stayed silent, waiting for her to elaborate on her strange request. But Merlin was foolish enough to wait since no explanation came. All she did was nod once more before she inched her head forwards so that their lips were mere centimetres apart. Merlin regarded Morgana's eyes up close, only to see how watery they had gotten. Why was she tearing up?

Their lips brushed, and Merlin let it happen. He still wondered about what she had said, but all her words faded into the background as the feeling of her lips on his overruled all the voices in his head. Morgana was intoxicating - the kind of poison you willingly drank because it was just too good not to.

From behind the wooden door, multiple heavy footsteps revered. Merlin was too distracted to notice until the door was forced open.

Morgana and Merlin split apart. Merlin knew he was in deep trouble as soon as he saw the guards their faces. All of them seemed perfectly capable of cutting Merlin his head off, if only it weren't for the presence of a lady. They pointed their sharp swords in his direction. Merlin quickly put his hands up in surrender, glancing in Morgana's direction hoping she had a good excuse. But what he saw was something that broke whatever trust he managed to gather for Morgana in that small amount of time they had spent together the last few days.

Morgana her eyes were big and fearful, tears streaming down her cheeks, a trembling finger pointed towards him. "Get him, he assaulted me!" her voice shook and if Merlin didn't know any better, he would have been convinced. He had been played like a fiddle, she had once again put his head and heart up for slaughter. Merlin was too awestruck to even respond to the accusation thrown his way. The eyes the guards were giving him were ones that would and could kill. The only thing keeping him alive was the fact that him rotting in the dungeons would be more agonising for Merlin than stabbing him right here.

One guard stepped forward and studied his appearance carefully. "Aren't you that servant? I knew there was something weird about you." The man turned to Morgana. Good thing you asked us to come Milady."

If only the knowledge of his impending doom wasn't enough, those last words managed to knock every last ounce of self-control out the window. She had betrayed him in the ultimate way. She used his forgiveness and empathy against him, knowing it was his weakness. She knew him too well.

Merlin and Morgana's eyes met across the room for a brief moment. She had stopped crying and wiped away the wetness from her eyes. There was no triumph to find in her gaze. zit was a perfect mask of aloofness. But somewhere in her eyes, he could see a sadness, but Merlin didn't trust his mind not to pay tricks on him any longer. He was aware he would always see Morgana through a mystified haze because she had bewitched him ever since the moment they met.

They pushed him out of the room without any consideration for his wellbeing, throwing him on his knees towards the door with a loud smack. He heard a small gasp behind him but closed his mind off to anything related to Morgana. He wasn't even going to let himself think about her anymore. She was dead to him. If he ever made it out alive, he would make it his mission to get rid of her.

Even then Merlin knew that was nothing but a lie.

They passed through the corridors of the castle, the heavy footsteps of the guards urging him on; they would arrive at the cells soon. Silently he prayed for a miracle - but when he took the last step down the stairs, and the harsh sound of metal barred doors closing echoed against the rocks - he knew his fate.

He had two choices. Death, not even Arthur could save him now, or he could use his magic and continue his life outside of Camelot whilst being hunted. He banged his head against the iron, letting tears fall down his cheeks. Morgana had won this easily. He couldn't even put up a fight, he let himself lose like this. And she dares to not even smirk or look triumphed, making a small irrational part of his brain still dwell on her feelings for him.

His legs were starting to give out thanks to the excess adrenaline in his body that he could get rid of. He sat down and pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly against his body. He forgot how cold it could get down here. He shivered and balled his fists, his grief turning into anger. Anger at himself, anger at everything. He would have to face Arthur under the pretence that he forced himself upon Morgana. He wished he could argue it was the other way around and that he wasn't so weak.

He spent all night pondering and reliving every moment they had spent together, rethinking everything that was said, every hint he had missed, every interaction he misinterpreted. Things just didn't add up. He recalled the way she kissed him the first time. Her fingers in his hair, the small brush of her lips, the faint smell of roses. It was all different this time. She didn't smell like roses; the kiss was reluctant and her eyes didn't spark like they used to.

The sun came up, sunlight shone through a small window above his head that overlooked the main plaza of Camelot. People were starting to migrate outside of their houses and the sound of chatting and laughing reached Merlin his ears. Would Arthur have heard the news by now? Would he come to see him? Ask him if it was true?

Merlin hoped he would, maybe he would even believe him. Arthur would know that was something he would never do. On the other hand, who would believe Morgana would ever kiss Merlin? Merlin found a small rock and threw it against the wall. All this thinking was starting to make his head spin. His hands still shook and his lips were starting to get dry.

Merlin had no inclination of time whatsoever, but the sound of familiar footsteps nearing gave him hope. He rose to his feet and his eyes focused on the deep blue eyes of Arthur.

Arthur swallowed but didn't look all that angry. His brows were furrowed, his lips pursed in deep thought and his arms crossed, wanting to keep some distance between them. Neither of them rally spoke until Arthur cleared his throat and glanced at one of the guards accompanying him.

"Give us some privacy please."

"But Sir, you're not allowed to visit here alone-"

"I don't care"

The guard nodded once before turning on his heel and marching away. Arthur listened to his footsteps fading away until he couldn't hear them anymore. He inched his head forwards, grabbing one of the bars with his left hand.

"You know why I am here. I didn't even want to come at first when I heard. I don't know what to believe Merlin." His gaze was devout of any emotion and it made Merlin swallow even though his throat was dry, "I saw Morgana this morning and she looked completely out of it. But there was something, off."

Arthur collected his thoughts for a second, not meeting Merlin his eyes for even a moment before speaking again. "When she told me what you did, she didn't look angry at all. I don't know but, something tells me you would be angry when that happens to you. But she wasn't." Arthur was muttering to himself now, Merlin could see the cogs turning in his head. Hearing him talk about Morgana hurt him, but he wanted to know how she was doing. He needed to know that she really didn't care.

"I know it is hard to believe me, Morgana set me up. I didn't to what she said I did. You of all people have to believe me, Arthur please." Merlin didn't want to sound desperate, but he knew he did. Arthur and his eyes met, and Arthur seemed to see something in them that he recognised, because his shoulders slumped.

"Give me one good reason why I should even try to help you. If you're lying to me, my whole reputation is at stake. You know how much of a big deal this is; what kind of accusation you are facing." At this moment, Arthur truly looked like a king. He oozed authority and in all honesty, it scared Merlin a little.

"Morgana has changed ever since she came back, I know you have noticed it too. Something happened to her out there. I wanted to do nothing but help her, I really did. But she took advantage of me. I didn't force her to anything, you know I would never do that."

A heavy silence settled between them. This was such an important moment for them. Arthur was conflicted, he breathed deep through his nose and shook his head slightly before he made his decision.

"Oh, Merlin." He sighed. His eyes were sad now; Merlin knew what that meant. "I know that you could never have done anything like that. It's just that, there is nothing I can do."

"Talk to Morgana for me. Ask her to see me." Merlin said before he could think about it.

Arthur his grip around the bar tightened. Arthur looked as determined as he had ever been. "I'll do everything I can, trust me."

Arthur and Merlin regarded one another for a few more moments before Arthur nodded once more. When the footsteps of Arthur his guard neared again, Arthur cleared his throat and that was that. He turned before the guard could even arrive and put on a mask of indifference. Merlin watched Arthur walk away until he was out of his sight. He listened to his footsteps fading and realised this could be the last time they saw one another.

Merlin felt a lump in his throat forming. If Arthur did everything he could for Merlin without being able to save him, he hopes Arthur will forgive himself. Somewhere, Merlin wished Arthur didn't care and was angry. At least then Arthur would find peace no matter what happened with him.


	7. Chapter seven

When the sun was high in the horizon, Merlin heard familiar soft footsteps coming down the stone steps for the first time. He sat up straight and held his breath in anticipation, until the echoes of feet hitting the hard ground came to a sudden halt, only to fade away again. This cycle repeated itself for two more times, until the sun was no longer visible in the sky.Merlin reasoned that witnessing the sun setting was a positive thing: at least Arthur had stirred enough trouble to delay his execution for today.

Besides that, Merlin didn't want to stop and read too much into these familiar footsteps that never showed themselves to him. He had a faint idea who it could be, and it frightened him. It frightened him because he honestly had no idea how he would react to seeing Morgana her face again.

Would she look apologetic? Proud, or possibly she'll grow impatient and kill him herself? He had no idea. He thought he had finally made an impact on her just like she influenced his life ever since she appeared in his. He was foolish to think he ever meant anything more to her than just another manservant to toy around with; frankly, he was foolish to think he could be more than that.

It was a full moon today, as if the galaxy wanted to give him one last gift before he was going to be executed. Through the prison bars the moon was barely visible; high in the sky glowing like it always has. Merlin grabbed onto the steel bars and stood on his toes to get a better glimpse of the moon one last time, until his breath hitched in his throat when familiar footsteps echoed once again.

There was no denying they were the same footsteps as this morning, but there was something remarkably different about them. This morning there was a tentative, uncertain edge to the way this person moved. Tonight however, it was as if this person was running towards his jail cell. The only reason Merlin could think of anyone doing that was to stop themselves from turning back once again.

Merlin didn't turn around as the figure came to a halt in front of his small cell. The hairs on his neck stood up and a shiver went down his spine. He hated it. He hated that he could recognise her with only the way she walked, how his body was painfully aware of her heavy breathing behind him. He didn't want to think about Morgana running to get here, because she somehow came to her senses and realised she made a mistake. Surely, that would be wishful thinking only a fool would dream of.

"Merlin." Morgana said. She was slightly out of breath as she held onto the steel bars of his cell for support. Merlin made no move to acknowledge her. If she was here to gloat, he wouldn't give her the satisfaction. The silence was heavy between them. Morgana didn't seem eager to beg for his attention again but she made no move to walk away this time either.

Merlin didn't want to be the one to give in anymore, the 'weak' one. But he knew he had lost as soon as he turned around after a few more moments of silence. Morgana her expression was something Merlin hadn't mentally prepared himself for.

A deep frown was etched on her face, her hair a wild mess on top of her head with her lips forming a scowl. She held onto the bars of his cell so tightly that her knuckles were white. Merlin repressed the foolish urge to put his hand on hers. Why did he suddenly want to touch her all the time? What happened to him to make him crave her attention in such a short time?

"I'm here to get you out, just hold on I'll-"

"You're sick, twisted and above all delusional." Merlin spat. His blood boiled the second she offered her help. She wasn't his saviour, not when she backstabbed him and put him here in the first place. That was not how this was going to go.

Her eyes widened with his bitter remark and she took a step back. Merlin couldn't believe Morgana actually had the audacity to be surprised at his reaction. When she made no move to talk, Merlin accepted it as an invitation to speak his mind some more.

"Do you actually believe for a single second, that after everything you did I would just follow you like nothing happened?"

Morgana her eyes grew hazy and unfocused after his harsh but honest words. It was as if she wasn't even listening when she avoided his eyes and opened the cell door lock anyway. She kept her head to the ground and made room for him to walk out of his cell. "Just get out of that cell, please"

Merlin sighed. Every inch in his stubborn body told him to stay inside that small space, but he knew better than that. This was his golden getaway ticket and he knew it. It was a shame Morgana had to be the one to save him, leaving him with even more conflicted emotions than before.

He hated how he felt grateful towards her; thankful that she saved him. It was so silly. She put him here! There was no reason to feel anything positive at all!

But seeing her eyes and how they had a slight reddish tint to them made his heart skip a slight beat, no matter how much he tried to repress it. He stopped in front of her until she gathered herself enough to look him in the eyes.

"You came here twice before and left. What made you change your mind?" Merlin his words were no louder than a whisper in the dark corridor, giving them a strange kind of intimacy. Morgana closed her eyes and breathed out deeply through her nose, before her eyes studied his features as if she was looking at him for the first time.

"It's a full moon today," she lets out a small snicker, "I wasn't planning on coming anymore, until I saw the moon. A full moon at this moment in time is too much of a coincidence. It is a sign." Merlin was awfully aware of how close they were standing now. Morgana held the prison door open, and he stood underneath the doorway, their noses mere centimetres apart. All he could do was nod at her words as he remembered how he stared at the moon mere moments ago. Morgana must have been in the same position before she came rushing toward him on an impulse.

Merlin felt like Morgana was going to regret this decision tomorrow.

Merlin swallowed before he started walking out of the castle basement, back upstairs into civilization where he belonged. Morgana her footsteps trailed behind him, a reminder to Merlin who the person was that got him out of here in the first place. When all he wanted was to forget and think about who got him IN here.

They passed the guards who had seen better days. They were battered and bruised all over, but breathing nonetheless. Merlin accepted the fact that this was just part of who Morgana was now, but did take a second to shoot a disappointed glance back towards Morgana who didn't even spare the guards a look.

When they walked up the stairs and the moon was now fully visible above them, the both of them took a few seconds to look up to the sky and regard it. This full moon saved my life, was all that Merlin could think before he felt a soft hand on his wrist.

Merlin jerked back slightly, his heart thumping in his chest, with his brain short-circuiting at the same time. Morgana was persistent however, and she held onto his wrist tightly. She turned towards him, a shamed expression on her face. She was about to say something important, Merlin could feel it.

"Let's run away together."

Merlin his brain had trouble processing that that piece of information, the sentence bouncing through his head without making any sense. "What?" Was all he could mutter, no longer protesting at her touch thanks to his confusion. He observed her expression, looking for any indication of insincerity but he could find none.

"Let's get away from Camelot. You and me." Her voice was loud and clear now as she grew more resolved. She turned her body towards him and grabbed both his arms in her hands. She gave him no chance to interrupt. "I know. I don't deserve this," Merlin couldn't stop himself from nodding, "but you will leave and I don't want to stay here without you."

This time Merlin had enough. He pulled his arms out of her grasp and felt rage coursing through his veins. "Do I need to remind you that I am a fugitive because of you in the first place?" Merlin gritted his teeth, "I cannot believe the audacity, the nerve-"

Morgana her face grew stone cold. Her eyes hardened and her lips formed a sharp sneer as she dropped his hands out of her grasp. "I got you out didn't I?" She said with frustration in her voice.

Merlin couldn't believe that Morgana actually believed he would be okay after her betrayal just yesterday, that he would actually agree to eloping with her. He might have, if she had asked before.

Merlin shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't say anything, just watched how Morgana grew increasingly more frustrated by the second.

He could see the cogs turning in her head until she seemingly came to her own solution, suddenly radiating with newfound determination. "Fine. You don't want me to come with you," Morgana said, bitter. "But you can't stop me from following you." There was a fire in her eyes Merlin couldn't deny. A fire fueled by her anger at him, but she still chose to stay with him nonetheless.

Merlin was stumped to say the least and had absolutely no idea what to say to her outburst. There was no way he could stop her from doing anything, that much he knew already. Maybe he should just let her come, and she will learn to give up along the way. If, Merlin doesn't acknowledge her in the slightest. Yeah right, Merlin knew already that wasn't going to happen. But he didn't argue it anyway.

He should have done something, more to convince her otherwise. But he was tired, tired of the games and useless fighting. All he did was lock their eyes again, begging her once to please stop. When he didn't receive the response he wanted, his shoulders sagged in defeat. He turned on his heel and made his way to the stables, on his way to become something he'd never thought he'd be because of things other than his magic. A fugitive.

And Morgana would be right by his side.


End file.
